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‘Gorilla” by Bruno Mars- Makes Me Wonder, How Do They Do It?

New Female Gorilla Causes A Stir at London Zoo
Photo Courtesy of Cate Gillon, Getty Images

So I’m rockin’ out to this song when it hit me.  How do Gorillas make love? Why is it better than the way we do it?  So I did some research(I’m totes weird right?). Turns out, Bruno Mars should have too!

Did you know that gorilla’s only have about a 1 1/2 inch member and that most times, it’s the female that has to instigate mating? Not even kidding.  This of course, doesn’t make for good song material at all.

Give Me Your Lips
Photo Courtesy of Getty Images

What he should have said instead of gorillas was chimpanzee’s and bonobos.  They apparently mate for no better reason than to say “Hello” to each other.

Here’s what has to say about them both:

Bonobos use sex as greetings, a mean of solving disputes, making up for fights, and as a favors in exchange for food. They tongue kiss, engage in oral sex, mutual masturbations, have face-to-face genital sex and even have a strange “fencing” ritual!

See what I mean? Those dirty, dirty little monkeys!

Japanese Macaque Monkeys Suffer Hay Fever
Photo Courtesy of Buddhika Weerasinghe, Getty Images

Now if Bruno Mars really wanted to get nasty, he should have used male macaques in his song.  Those little !@@# are sneaky!

Here’s what has to say about them:

Anyways, if that isn’t enough bad behavior for you, think about this: macaque males will attack their enemy when he is at his weakest: during orgasm.

Ewwww! Better watch your back there, so to speak.  Anyways, I digress.  All of this just made me wonder about how much research these music artists/song writers actually do when writing up their songs.  Sometimes, I think, not very much.

Well, now that I’ve educated you up a bit on gorillas and such. I’m happy to say that I’m happy to be a Homo sapien.

So. What other songs use metaphors that are just plain wrong or misleading?  Let me know when you comment below and let’s talk about it!


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