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Sugar Free Gummies: The Perfect Gift For Your Least Favorite People

photo by KrisEdwards/TownsquareMedia
photo by KrisEdwards/TownsquareMedia

Since I don’t consume much sugar these days, I’m always checking out things that satisfy the sweet tooth without making me gain weight.  Until recently, I had never actually tried sugar free gummy bears, mostly because of Amazon reviews like this:

“OMG. Everything previously written is true. It’s all true. Don’t eat more than 15 in a sitting unless you are trying to power wash your intestines.”


“The cramping started about an hour later, and soon enough I was as bloated as a balloon in Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. When the rumbling started I sprinted down the hallway and made it to the bathroom just in time for the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse to stampede from my backside, laying waste to my home’s septic system AND my will to live.”

There are lots of reviews along those lines; however, there were enough favorable reviews that I thought I should go ahead and roll the dice.  Plus, the sugar free gummies a bought were a different brand so I thought I might be safe.  Well…I was not safe and without going into horrible detail, I will just say that you should believe the hype and only buy these for people you really want to see suffer.  Perhaps there is someone at work that just gets on your nerves.  No problem!  Take ’em out of the office with this completely legal, cutely disguised, potent laxative.

I have quite a few substitutions in my normal diet since starting Go Figure a few months ago, but this will never make my rotation.  Even though I probably lost a few pounds after consuming about 15 of them, there are no doubt better ways that don’t involve intestinal torture.

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