Best Songs We Heard This Week: Heidi Montag, Scatman John, Nightmarish Screaming + More
Happy weekend, PopCrush readers! And Happy #NewMusicFriday!
Just as we do every week, the PopCrush editors have gathered up the most crucial selections released this week for your playlists. And today's round-up, right here on this first day of April, is arguably one of the year's strongest sets yet.
Check out the hottest new songs of the week below, and as always, keep up with all our playlists on Apple Music. Happy listening — and you're welcome!
It’s like yelling but with your heels more firmly planted, you know? Since voices, screaming has been a great way to convey points like “Get away from me!” or “I just experienced tandem femur fractures after falling off this thatched roof!” without the chore of navigating constructed language. BUT YOU’VE NEVER HEARD IT LIKE THIS!!! These screams are bigger and bolder than you at your throat-clearing best. Nice try, Psycho shower scene. Better luck next time, someone who was just accidentally thrust into consciousness who’s an hour away from his appendectomy’s completion. — Datthew Monnelly
Lindsay Lohan, “Fornarina”
Fornarina, an Italian-based fashion brand you’ve probably never heard of, blessed the masses back in 2009 with an avant-garde commercial featuring an original 41-second jingle recorded by a heavily peroxided Lindsay Lohan. Heavy on synth flourishes, ‘80s callbacks and 8-bit graphics, Fornarina’s ad demonstrated the company's refined foresight in a way few appreciated or understood, not unlike the underwhelming reception to Christina Aguilera’s 2012 release Lotus. The lyrics, perfectly punctuated by Lindsay’s disaffected vocals, offer mystery and intrigue. “Click, flash, wow,” Lindsay says without emotion. “Bang, wink, smack,” she offers. “Fornarina,” she declares. "Time is a flat circle,” Nietzsche one said. “Hell is other people,” declared Jean-Paul Sartre. “Glam, pink, heart,” cried Lindsay Lohan. — Hilary Duff
Scatman John, “Scatman (Ski-Ba-Bop-Ba-Dop-Bop)”
To quote the late John Paul “Scatman” Larkin, “skap ba-bap doodly biddly doo dee oh do bop dap diddly-iddly-iddly-thwbugnghwoopbablm-dowee-dow-deedlee-oh-doe. Skibee dibbee oh doe doe dope, doe dope bope, badabadaba dee, doe-doe-doe-doe-dope. Bah da bah doe-dope. I’m the Scatman!” A jazz classic, offering the best scat vocalizations since fellow jazz-and-blues master Steven Tyler’s work on “Rag Doll” from 1987’s Permanent Vacation. Ella Fitzgerald is all right too, I guess. – Tom Waitsfornoman
Heidi Montag, "Body Language"
Between notching her fifth consecutive platinum No. 1 on the Billboard 200, making a clean sweep at the 2016 Grammys and closing out her sold-out Still Superficial World Tour in Ulaanbaatar, undisputed Queen of Pop Heidi Montag has just premiered yet another sure-fire club banga live on the stage of Miss Universe, rendering Britney Spears' 2000 "Stronger" VMA performance irrelevant with her hard-hitting choreography and sending Adele into early retirement with her vocal delivery. Rejoice, Little Montagonists! —Kelly Hilson
Paris Hilton, "Paris For President"
While Trump, Bernie, and Hillary pound away their polarizing policies at the podiums, it’s none other than pop music’s social-minded princess Paris Hilton who is making a real political statement this election period. “Paris For President” is an understated electro-pop anthem featuring poignant and scathing commentary on 2016’s electoral hot topics. Much like other politically-charged artists before her, Hilton lampoons the state of the nation in this early and worthy bid for a Grammy, perhaps making her the Bob Marley of our time. - Erika Playne Jayne
Jesse McCartney, “I Think She Likes Me”
A scathing commentary on materialism, Jesse McCartney’s “I Think She Likes Me” exists solely on YouTube in leaked form, because his album Have It All was never officially released. And considering the societal importance of a song that deals with the very real problem of gold digging schemers (“I think she likes me / Nahhh, she likes my money,” he sings), it’s a real shame. Is Jesse McCartney a descendant of rapidly aging Kanye West collaborator, Paul McCartney? There’s no real way of knowing the truth, but with a song as good as this, it’s unlikely Jesse would ever be denied entry to Tyga’s Grammys after-party, you know? — Uncredited Female Vocalist
Leighton Meester, “Front Cut”
In 2011, as Gossip Girl went from “LOL, this show is crazy!” to “what is even going on here?” in its penultimate season, actress and songbird Leighton Meester gifted the world with her greatest legacy to date: “Front Cut” featuring Clinton Sparks. A banger that undoubtedly influenced Kesha (Cannibal was released in 2010 but Ms. Sebert must’ve met Leighton before that because the similarity’s UNCANNY), Meester's vocals leap from confident cheer-raps to velvety assertions of her right to gain club entry immediately. “Don’t tell me I gotta wait in li-iiine / I said f---ck the front door, I should go in through the si-ide,” she sings, speaking for herself, you, me and an entire generation. Never the hit it should’ve been — it’s not even on her Spotify page, for some reason — I listen to it every Friday night while I do my contouring. – Chick Bass
Ryan Starr, "Frim Fram Sauce"
In honor of the Idol franchise coming to an end (aw!), let us remember the game-changing Season 1 performance by iTunes Guinness World Record-setting "My Religion" singer and style icon Ryan Starr, which was breathlessly hailed by Paula Abdul as "interesting." With chafafa on the side! — Christina Christian's Second Cousin
This makeshift composite of the eerie "lalala" interludes on Gilmore Girls
Whether Lorelai and Rory Gilmore were jovially strolling to the local diner for lemon pancakes or helplessly staring at Lorelai’s burned-down place of business and budgeting potential bankruptcy, they could count on the fact that a pair of women would sing “lalala” to underscore life’s myriad excitements. At least that’s what it seemed like. Was that what it was? Was Gilmore Girls a clever ruse to land a wordless folk duo a record contract? Do you seriously believe that Logan would have proposed out of the blue like that? I wish these kinds of folds didn’t drive me to an occasional recreational Lunesta. — Datthew Monnelly
Jessica Simpson, "These Boots Are Made For Walkin'"
Feminist music icon Jessica Simpson is turning the notion of vapid pop on its heels with her latest, “These Boots Are Made for Walkin’.” A contemporary and controversial update of Nancy Sinatra’s (who?) obscure 1966 song, Simpson tears down the patriarchy with this landmark postmodern feminist anthem. In the video, the critically acclaimed vocalist and songwriter illuminates a number of current women’s issues, from celebrating bodily autonomy by washing her car in a bikini, to uplifting women by featuring herself and her backup dancers not as ogled sex objects, but empowered professionals. – My Name Is No
Christina Aguilera, "Car Wash"
Rise up, unbreakable jellyfish, giant squids of prey and SAY! urchins: The Back To Basics icon and reigning Voice coach herself, Legendtuna, is diving down into ahead-of-her-time sonic depths with soon-to-be Oscar-nominated Shark Tale anthem, "Car Wash." With vocal runs that'll have you inking your pants and the kind of sudden octave leaps to give you the bends, this one's bound to be a favorite for all true lovers of kelp. — Buylot U. Sonitunes