One Direction have amassed a relatively hefty discography in their five-year tenure as the most in-demand boy band on Earth. Pushed well beyond their collective limits of exhaustion, they're currently on a hiatus that just might stretch into infinity.

But their hard work sure did wonders for fans! We were gifted with nonstop touring, album releases and endless tabloid fodder: Home-wrecker Harry Styles strikes thrice! Every Larry conspiracy theory that'll live on well into Freddie Reign's college years! Niall's lithe frame is dragged down by some rogue golf clubs! Liam battles the Empire State Building on Twitter! Zayn!!!

Lather, rinse and repeat, until the sheer endlessness of it all caused Zayn Malik to quit. That no one opted out of those nightmare contracts sooner is a true testament to the power of Syco's fine print. But things have slowed to a halt in 1D's world, like a tortoise making its way through gelatin as the sun bears down on him, melting his soft fleshy parts to goo until nothing but a cracked shell remains. One Direction have vanished beneath the soil, for now.

As such, I've painstakingly honored their legacy below, the way only a critical longtime fan who has seen them in concert 20 TIMES can: Behold the definitive ranking of every song in One Direction's catalog.

Trust, these were not easy decisions to make.

91. "Little Things"

This song is a searing backhanded compliment. The blow inherent in "Little Things," and its nitpicky, insecurity-probing lyrics isn't lessened by its sweet melody -- no matter how good the guys may sound on it. Its co-writer, Ed Sheeran, considered this a castoff track for a reason.

90. "Infinity"

A blatant attempt at a Coldplay ripoff yet somehow more boring than that band's dullest, "Infinity" gives us definitive proof that member Harry Styles has the worst taste in his own music.

89. "Something Great"

The Philip Phillips b-side the world never needed, a wounded Louis Tomlinson shrieks this song to a (merciful) close. Harry claims co-writing credits here, quelle surprise.

88. "If I Could Fly"

Harry helped write this one, too.

87. "Love You Goodbye"

Not even allusions to breakup sex could make this power ballad about the dissolution of a longterm relationship worthy of repeat listens.

86. "Don't Forget Where You Belong"

A sappy call for staying grounded when you are outrageously famous and rich. No human who isn't also a member of One Direction can relate to this song.

85. "Long Way Down"

A sad bellyflop into a pool of soft-rock mediocrity.

84. "I Want"

A song about women and all their materialistic inclinations. Hard pass.

83. "Moments"

Forgettable Ed Sheeran Contribution #2.

82. "Taken"

"I slept on your doorstep," Liam sings, all too believably.

81. "I Should Have Kissed You"

The kind of peppy, overproduced pop song a fictional band would play in a low-budget straight-to-DVD Disney movie.

80. "Another World"

Auto-Tuned to hell and back, when only 2/5 of the group actually needed it.

79. "Save You Tonight"

Their voices are nearly indiscernible here, harmonizing be damned. One of the many low-budget club beats littering Up All Night.

78. "I Wish"

A creepy anthem of lingering, unrequited love.

77. "Over Again"

Again, please don't let your first introduction to Ed Sheeran be through the songs he wrote for One Direction.

76. "Midnight Memories"

A pop-punk-lite reject that would've been better suited as a b-side to one of your lesser, late-game scene bands like Boys Like Girls or We The Kings. It's perfectly acceptable as a stadium singalong.

75. "Right Now"

It was very brave of One Direction to begin a song with Louis' vocals.

74. "You & I"

One Direction were never meant to be balladeers, but at least "You & I" produced one of the most iconic glory notes in all of pop history, cementing Zayn's place as an otherworldly vocalist. Also, this vine.

73. "Ready to Run"

Horse movie song. Phil Collins if he were bad at his job.

72. "Little Black Dress"

'70s hard rock that somehow feels long at two minutes and 38 seconds.

71. "Same Mistakes"

One Direction's attempt at Keane, who no one is checking for.

70. "Up All Night"

Delightfully innocent, except when it's not.

69. "Half A Heart"

The only way these lyrics would be more ridiculous is if they were in Simlish.

68. "One Way or Another (Teenage Kicks)"

A decent mashup of two perfectly acceptable (if also unremarkable) covers. The video certainly gives this one a boost.

67. "Back For You"

The beginning of One Direction's misguided attempt at pop-punk.

66. "C'mon C'mon"

Unce unce unce unce unce unce unce.

65. "No Control"

No song featuring Louis Tomlinson so heavily could ever truly be great, but the relentless fan campaign behind this one was impressive enough to raise its value. It's also rife with sexual innuendo, following in a longstanding tradition of pop songs you should never sing along to while making eye contact with either of your parents.

64. "Alive"

If the Jonas Brothers wrote a song about sex addiction.

63. "She's Not Afraid"

An upbeat ode to commitment-phobes everywhere.

62. "Na Na Na"

Equal parts comforting, noxious and just plain gross. The Velveeta of One Direction's discography.

61. "Irresistible"

Not an Ed Sheeran ballad. You should listen to it.